To give you insight on my past and what made me such a cynic that was basically just waiting to die, I'm not writing this so anyone will feel bad for me, everything that's happened to me has made me the person today. A happy person that's just trying her best to live and enjoy life.
From the age of 7-12 I was first molested then raped by a close family friend, I was naive and was slightly brainwashed into believing that this was an acceptable part of life, but as I aged I realized that this was not right. I went to my parents and told them what happened to me, my parents didn't deal with this in a normal way they accused me of lying, breaking my heart and forcing me to spiral into severe depression. I had horrible insomnia, migraines and felt horribly alone. I tried blocking all these memories out, but like most things you can't run away from your problems. When I was 16 all these memories kept popping back into my head. I started feeling really alone and tainted. I felt dead and a way of copying was to cut myself, I felt ashamed of myself I never cut myself for attention it was for a way to feel alive or just feel anything. I started dating my first boyfriend, I finally felt like somebody cared about me, but I knew he wasn't right for me, it was a verbally abusive relationship that made my heart break. I would like to say that I found a higher power ( no offense to anyone), but I didn't I realized I'm the only one that can make myself happy relying on others to make you happy is no way to live. You first have to accept yourself and I did. I love the person I am today. I'm a strong woman that's overcome all this. Yes, I still get my sad days, but I just keep thinking it will get better and life has a funny way of surprising us, its beautiful not knowing whats going to happen it keeps everything interesting :). My Grandmother always told me that when you find the right person for you. you will just know this is it. I feel really bad for not believing her all these years, because when it happened I sure did feel like an idiot.
I hope I inspired at least one person not to lose hope ever. Have faith.